On Keys and Trust

THE DEAL: If some miracle were to occur such that humans were to unequivocally trust all others forevermore, the sad truth is that this event would prove to be a calamity for key-makers worldwide. Car doors, front doors, bike locks, office keys, hotel card keys, passwords... all of these things are based entirely upon our lack of trust of one another as a species. (I wonder what all the key businesses make per year, put together?) Locksmiths, too, they would be out of luck. Electronic lock monitoring companies? Poof!

THE GRAND THEORY THEN: Naturally, it's obvious that these people ARE the Illuminati. They spread distrust around the world so that Monday morning, they can have the pleasure of returning to the corner drug store to make us, what? MORE KEYS.

THE SAGE ADVICE: Next time you might think twice about the guy in the swanky red vest who is oh-so-eager to make you those new keys because you lost yours on the coast in a drunken weekend playing Strip "Go-Fish" like I did when I was 8. Well, I played the game, and I wasn't on the coast, and I didn't own any keys yet, so I didn't lose them, and I was drinking milk. But you get my drift.

-Anjani

PS: I just realized that, of course, why didn't I see it before, those last two syllables in Illuminati: let's sound it out together.... "naugh....TY!"